How to get the ladies... (Hint: It starts with "c" and ends with "onfidence")

Today, I went to Google intending to search “How to argue with your brother and always win.” (What? I like to win, and he was annoying me.) I only got as far as “How to a” before falling out of my seat in surprise. You see, auto-complete started filling in the most searched phrase that contained those letters. What popped up was, “How to ask a girl out.” I’m shocked that people still have trouble with this. It’s not that hard.

For those of you still having trouble asking your lady counterparts out on a date, I have decided to impart my infinite girl wisdom upon you. So here it is:

Ninja’s Steps to Asking a Girl Out

1. Find a girl- Preferably one who causes you to develop this funny feeling called “like” inside of you. (I know. Feelings are scary. Just remember, they’re more scared of you than you are of them… or something like that.)

2. Smile at said girl- This is an important but potentially hazardous step. The right smile can tell a girl that you enjoy their company and would like to spend time discussing fluffy puppies and rainbows with them. The wrong smile can cause a girl to run away in abject fear and call the cops.

3. Repeat after me: Would you like to go out with me this (Insert day)? Just ask. If she rejects you, you wouldn’t want to hang out with her anyway.

I hope that clears things up a bit for you. Go, my young grasshoppers, and find yourself a girl.

And I leave you with a Haiku

I like Mac and Cheese

It’s delectable and fun

Hippopotamus

No one said that Haikus had to make sense.